sea salt MOSAIC

at their every whim.

2012-01-28T04:12:00.001+01:00

for their drinking pleasure. . . .

sip away my sweaty children and only a quick swig on the way to bed.

one more thing - NO gum allowed in the bubbler. . . . gross. oh yea - and don't put your mouths on the spout either! or fingers. . . rules.

my goldenrod beauty

2012-01-28T04:07:00.000+01:00

here she is in all of her flea free splendor. . . .love thrift stores!

won't she look lovely nestled into an overgrown hillside sprouting with wildflowers?

he gifted me a urinal

2012-01-20T06:11:00.000+01:00

seriously folks.
a URINAL.
i grinned the most "you've stolen my heart foreva" grin as he opened the hatch to the aspen.
i looked at jacob. . ."now, that's just disgusting- it's gross. i'm not touching that."
i looked at edward. . .he looked confused and went in the house.
i looked at mr. right. . . he knew - it was p.e.r.f.e.c.t. in all of it's leftover yellow drips glory.
he bought a urinal and saw his lady's perfectly dreamt-up "trough sink".
yes, my dears, i now own my first ever urinal. my first ever trough sink!

let's dream together. . . .

just simply take one 5ft long cast iron/porcelain coated urinal, sandblast the grossness right out of it, re-enamel it in a beautiful shining white porcelain. . . we're dreaming here - remember? money schmuney . . . add three back mounted water faucets with soap dishes in between -let's go with silver or maybe nickel for now, and then mount it, kid height, just inside the door, to help wash the mud of life off of chubby little 4 and almost 2 year old fingers. . . . .

dreamy, isn't it?

good thing urbana, seve and mr amazing (and hopefully sousi!) don't recognize a urinal when they see one! now i just need a rustic, old barn door looking sign to hang above it that says "please don't pee in my sink". i'd go with a really creamy, whipped-butter, pale yellow in chipped paint fashion with the words carelessly scrawled in country, farm-mama white.

i know - things are out of hand around here.
but at least i survived the tumble into town for house hunting trip!
i walked through what very may have been my dream home. . . .about eights shades of normal ago. it was tall and slender. it was brick. it was oooollllld. like pre-civil war old. it had 3 flights of stairs gracefully winding like ribbon candy up. and when you thought that was that, it wasn't. you climbed through a hatch door onto the roof for a breath taking view of the city and a hot tub to soak your life away in. it was a beaut i tell you. it was also an ice block. no heat on - it was 27 degrees inside. brrrrrrr. i longed to grab some kindling and stoke up one of the fireplaces. if there had been a stove in it i would have stirred up a pot of cocoa and sat on the back porch that's encased in glorious ceiling to floor windows. . . .i do believe it was my dream home once upon a time.
alas, i wrenched my heart away and dreamt about a home that's not even for sale yet - just rumored for sale. one that perches it's shoulder right on the edge of my grampa and grama's driveway. maybe i could live there? urbana would get shooed out of the garden with the rabbits, edward would sneak out of math to have malts with grama. . . .it was a flash in the pan sort of romance. . . . you can't just walk up to some stranger and say "hey! rumor has it you might sell your house. . . um -sometime. can we buy it and you move out by, say. . . mid-march?" well, i suppose you could do that, but people might talk, ya know?

so, what did we do? well, i think we broke some hearts and disappointed some as well. ok -well, maybe we just broke my heart a little and disappointed me some as well. we put an offer in on my "not ever gonna be" dream home. why? well, because i got lotsa kids, ya see. now the home isn't bad. . . it's not even cringe worthy. it's actually cute and a bit charming in it's imaginary place in my mind. once i get my urinal mounted and drinking fountain hung it'll be peachy. it's just not me, right now. my high-silk hat, pre-civil war, glory -now that was me. . . this one, not yet. but the part that's not being mentioned - the part that made us put that offer in. . . well, the home is perched like a sparrow on her nest. . . .a nest of over 11 acres. 11 acres of creeks and trails and trees. 11 acres of barn and chicken coop and machine shed. 11 acres of tractor lovin' land. it's an old country farm house - with the farm to prove it.

go ahead - shake your head. lots of folks have been doing that lately - me included. why on earth this would seem remotely like a good idea - i haven't the slightest notion. it's just another one of those odd things in life that we can't explain. . . .it just seems right. right in the whole "send joel off to congo, leave jacob and edward alone in their beds in italy at 4am while i traipse off to haiti -pregnant -days after one of the most catastrophic earthquakes ever, leaving urbana asleep in a strange place in miami praying grama gets there before she wakes up to strangers" kind of way. the absurd kind of right. the kind that warms our heart as it strikes fear and dismay into others because what God may have for us might seem down right terrifying and worrisome to others. . . .ok, so it's terrifying and worrisome to me, too! talk about a ginormous learning curve. i don't even know how to walk in cowgirl boots, let alone with a country swagger! to say nothing of the whole belt buckle thing. . . i mean, do you go with the gold or the silver? and how does that figure into the whole "overalls" thing? do i have to let my boys "farmer-blow" with blessings now? is it really ok to acquire a farm-girl accent at this age? geesh! seriously though -we have no idea what we're truly going to do with 11 acres and 6 kids. . . . ok, well maybe part of me does think it's the best thing that will ever happen to them. what can any boy ever want more than to run free through open land with his dog at his hip, splashing through the creek and ending up in a tree with a book after a good swing on the tire swing? i long for this for the children. i long for them to find peace and contentment and indescribable joy at the farm. i yearn for this to become a place of hope. to be our rainbow after the storm. we're still in the storm today. . . but maybe. maybe the farm is going to be our rainbow - our sign in the sky that God will never destroy the earth again by flood. because i think we all know that i've cried myself a flood during this whole storm. so, as we await to see if the offer turns into an honest-to-goodness reality, i will sneak peeks at my new urnial and dream it into a new life as a trough sink.

mud puddling

2012-01-05T06:05:00.000+01:00

the rain has puddled us lately. we have so many big things on our hearts - worms in the puddle things and nothing but an old popsicle wrapper things.

my dear right (and mr. amazing) will head out next weekend to go house hunting. . . with me in tow. can i just say that i am slightly jittery in the stomach about the whole affair? i am. this time around in moving. . .well, we're going the green blazer, striped tie and tweed trousers no kidding route. that's right - you know what i'm saying. . . we're using a spade and gently hacking a hole in -the earth to put in our sad sorry roots. i have the fabulous goldenrod-crushed-velvet-thrift-store-chair to prove it. now, you know that when i buy chairs from the thrift store - i'm serious about settling! i also have the b.e.s.t. gift a man could ever give a woman for their 12th anniversary. . . it's porcelain. . . it's white. . . it's got water. . . .it's not a toilet. . . .ok!ok! my dear right gave me a drinking fountain! truly - it's been nagging on my heart as long as chateau's snack rack! i do wish the camera wasn't froze open in a slightly romantic shade of broken. i'd prove that goldenrod crushed velvet chairs and drinking fountains can make any mud puddle worth stirring with your fingers.

i know that when we moved here to seattle i splattered all kinds of info about our move and where we were heading and the home we crashed into and this time - well, there's been nothing. we're in a sort of precarious spot right now. we've had many interesting encounters with. . . .let's just say "non-healing uglies". mister's job out of here is fuscia exciting, but needs to hide in a sort of chipped beige for awhile. our hearts our hung in an odd location for housing that doesn't make a lick of sense. we are trying to resolve ourselves to the thought that God may never turn us into the "normal" citizens that people anticipate we could be . . . .if only we'd be sensible. some days i wish that i liked couches and house plants, but then the thought makes me think about macrame-ing a hanging plant holder and i find myself shuddering. can i just idle myself in a meadow perched in my crushed velvet chair and tat you a lovely web of lace? i'd hang it from it's corner with a clothespin and then twirl around in the sunshine just so it would seem whimsical. sigh. why does buying a home have to be so dreary? i suppose it's only this way when you realize that a silly non-dream dream might actually become a reality. what we had thought our life would pan out to be has just simply turned into a cast iron skillet. i think i'm mostly ok with it though. . . i mean i'd rather be in this hunk of cast iron amidst these refining fires than in a small stainless skillet with a cheap plastic handle! it's just not as . . . .streamlined. as a matter of fact it's kind of clunky and awkward and intimidating. this move is our Ebenezer stone move. it will serve as our reminder of God's mercy and His healing and His redemption. we shall set this time up as a stone to remind ourselves (and anyone else who happens to . . . well. . . notice) that He is in the center - the pivoting point in our family as we saunter into town with the flair of macrame gurus when in reality we hopelessly find ourselves dipping our toes into mud puddles while we tat.

camera+cord= sleepy nello

2011-12-03T04:07:00.001+01:00

finally found the camera AND cord! took this video awhile ago - since this was taken i (sadly) clipped off those precious curls you see behind nello's ears. now he is surely sporting the BIG boy look. maybe i can catch his new look on camera soon . . .don't count on me though. if my apearance here is any indication on how well i am accomplishing tasks lately. . . .

enjoy the video. . . and me telling the boys to do their math!

"sick" day and bullet point round-up

2011-11-11T04:06:00.001+01:00

yesterday was the first time i was called by the school to pick up homegirl. i very clearly told the nurse, principal, special ed teacher and homeroom teacher that i would not be coming to get 'ole girl for any "vomiting, urination or defecation issues" that she would not be granted the "get out of jail" free card unless there was a fever to prove it legit.

ehem.

apparently, one can conjure up a temperature by running around at recess for 40 minutes and racing to the nurse's office immediately afterwards. nurse knew i wouldn't come get her unless she pushed the fever issue. frustrating. it's also helpful for school nurse to let the office staff know verbally as we leave the building that our girl shouldn't be returning until 24hrs after fever breaks. . . hmmm. whether i like it or not, school nurse ensured that sousi would be home today, thursday - no school friday, off the weekend. well, sousi'll see all y'all monday.

not sure the root behind why sousi decided to be "sick". she loathed her breakfast, was mad at me when she left, was mad at seve b/c he was going to speech therapy again and she couldn't go along, she didn't like lunch, got pestered by boys at recess. . . .who knows. i can tell you though that she chattered all the way home, had no fever whatsoever and skipped merrily about until i sent her sick self to bed for the afternoon. she was sassy mad all day today when she realized she wasn't going back to school. wait until tomorrow! haven't mentioned to her that she earned herself a four and a half day vacation!

she's been on boredom therapy all day today to help alleviate her "illness". . .if she's feeling up to snuff tomorrow maybe we'll work on some math and sight-words. . .

she's noticed that her "illness" hasn't really disrupted anyone else's life nor gotten her all consuming attention - i think it'll be awhile before she feigns sick again. or maybe not. maybe she'll keep trying week after week until someone gets frustrated. who knows.

not much else going on, here's the low down:

jacob got new glasses that give him headaches - heading to the opt. next week.
jacob is handsome and hilarious.
jacob truly loves his banyan. . .a boy and his dog, it's a wonderful thing.

edward has decided to put his german on the back burner so he can learn to speak "pirate" through the library's free access to Mango Languages
edward is sly, witty, and hysterical
edward hugs his mama e.v.e.r.y. night before going to bed. . . even if she's already asleep.

sousi is learning to ask others how their day has been before rattling on about hers when she gets off the bus
sousi has the most beautiful smile - really, the most beautiful.
sousi still giggles in the most adorable way . . . with her nose all crinkled up. . .l.o.v.e. it.

urbana said the other day at lunch, while joel, jacob and edward were talking and talking and talking, "why can't we just be quiet when we eat?" and when theboy did not heeded her words- she muttered to herself with her head on her hand "nello is doing good, and sousi. . . mama and seve and me -we're all doing good. . . ." it was HYSterical!
urbana wraps her heart around all and loves and loves and loves. . . no matter what.
urbana is such a faithful encouragement to seve and nello - it's the most beautiful example to us all.

seve works and works and works at speech therapy - he even cues and self corrects - it's adorable.
seve loves lovin on nello. they are side kicks for sure and are positively captivating to watch when they sit and giggle together over. . . .well, over nothing at all!
seve told me "thank you" tonight as i put fresh linens on his bed and it melted my heart - he loved me and it made my heart leap with hope.

nello amazing. . . he's still amazing. although, he has stalled in the "whack people in the face without warning" phase a tad longer than we'd like.
nello has discovered his sense of humor and loves to make us all laugh - he's a really funny guy (read it in the voice of mr. lunt from veggie tales - it's better that way!)
nello melted my heart today when i asked him for "kisses" and he strutted over in all of his squishy goodness and gave me an eskimo kiss! little fella - melt my heart he did.

the parents - well, we're trying to do our best at providing comic relief for one another as we slosh back another mug of joe to help counteract the stress of parenting kids of trauma.
the parents - we're still touching base with one another in random bits of information hollered out the window or in notes passed through children as we come and go at different times with different kids, one dropping off the other picking up - it's quite ineffective, we really don't recommend it.
the parents - we still think the other is "the berries" or if you much prefer "the bee's knees". sappy, but true.

let's call that a wrap for today. and let's pray i can find the camera and cord at the same time. . . have the most adorable video of mr. amazing falling asleep at the table. . . with sunglasses on. . . .soon - i promise, soon.

peeking out from under the covers

2011-11-09T07:18:00.002+01:00

i know its been ridiculously long. life was busy before - it's busier now. we're doing the public school thing and the home school thing, we're doing the boy scout thing, awana thing and ballet thing, we're doing the church thing and bible study thing (oh yea - and the men's breakfast thing!), we're doing the regular well-child thing, dentist thing, optometrist thing plus the a.w.e.s.o.m.e. speech therapy thing - as of next friday we add to that laundry list - the attachment/ptsd therapy thing. we're still stuck in the glory of the re-potty training thing. . . .it's not going so well. . . some days. just wanted to say it's been ridiculously long - I KNOW!

we are fine.
we are busy.
i miss my decompress time here on this blog.

one captivating moment to share and off to burrow beneath a blanket wafting dog-ness.

sunday, on the way to church, we saw a homeless man (there are soooo many homeless here. . . .it makes my heart sigh with heaviness) -he was holding/wearing a sign (can't remember which) that read "homeless: carpenter". it made my heart think of Jesus.

just wanted to share that.

oh! did i mention we're doing the packing/moving thing? yup. that time again. . . looking for new digs for march. about 4 months left here and off we go. the adventure continues! moving somewhere far away from seattle - somewhere cozy. it's a long story . . . for another time though - chateau's winning in the bed hog game tonight. better tuck in before i end up conceding the entire blanket to him in his victory, leaving me to shiver all night and grumble about a 90lb dog who thinks he's a 9lb lap dog at 2am! kick him off of the bed you say? ha! you don't know how much of an animal sucker i am. . . . although, i did encourage edward to put his new found stinkbug outside for the night about an hour ago - that's progress, right!?! progress only because he didn't give me those edward eyes and remind me that'it's cold out. . . yup, even a stinkbug could snuggle into my abode if my kiddo asked. . .pathetic i am - i know this, too.

well, sleep tight in your fresh smelling blankets . . . all snug and warm . . . . and don't let the stinkbugs bite.

HE GOT IN!!!

2011-09-26T17:37:00.000+02:00

just shouting from the mountaintops that our

SEVE EZRA GOT INTO SPEECH THERAPY!!!!

this is an amazing miracle. we were told in july that he qualified (obviously) but that there was a 3-12 month wait list starting in October. . . .

HE GOT IN!!!!!

with the wealth of information and help from aunt brittany and twice weekly therapy sessions this fella's on the road to clear communication. . . .

AAACCCKKKK!!!!

sorry, but we are just ecstatic!

like everything else in this adoption, seeking out this therapy for seve has been frustratingly long. we've been given the short stick for just over a year and now f.i.n.a.l.l.y.

SEVE STARTS THERAPY NEXT WEEK!!!!!

yippppeeeee!

growth

2011-09-26T03:06:00.000+02:00

today was a hair day here. we had done corn rows and a bazillion box braids while at grama's with hundreds of beads for the start of school (if anyone has pictures, let me know!) - the flair and pizzazz finally got old, fuzzy and a bit dull. today we went back to an old favorite. it just so happens that it's the same basic style i attempted with sousi on my first corn row attempt. . . .look at how much sugargirl's hair has grown! the first picture was taken day of April2010. the second was taken today (day of).

april2010

today

if you can see, in the first picture she's just got this teeny tiny little fluff, like a felt circle for a pony tail - today, well what can i say. . . .WOW! look at that growth! (the white spots are just some curl definer that when dries won't show) and i will humbly comment that i think my corn row skills have improved a bit too!

another, just because. . . .

what can YOU do?

2011-09-18T00:45:00.001+02:00

i can tap!

papa signed me up for tap classes and after class lets out i just want to leap into the air and kick my heals together. i hustle the streets back to the car with a smile that shouts "i have a secret talent!" i am once again 4 years old and completely smitten by the dream of tapping my life away. i will never (ever!) get on a stage. i will never (ever!) wear odd, embarrassing or shimmery outfits- although a 1920's flapper dress has some appeal to it! i will probably never lace up and click away anytime before 8pm when anyone who cares about dignity is roaming the streets. but i may buy some cowgirl boots and nail some taps on just for fun! then i suppose i'd want the hat and dress to go with. sigh. . . . .isn't tap dancing so romantic? nostalgic? perfectly modern-vintage? i think so. it makes me want to use the word "swoon". well darling - what can you do? nothing, you say? then it's high time to learn something new - i think next up for me will be the trapeze or synchronized swimming (loathing the swim suit, loving the vintage swim caps! maybe i can skip the swimming and just buy an old swim cap to wear in the shower . . . )

absolutely!

the mister and me

2011-09-12T05:10:00.001+02:00

us

2011-09-12T04:23:00.000+02:00

normal life - scattered, chaotic, free, alive

abnormal life - captured, contained, sardined together and happy about it.
this one was done by my insistence. the older half complied (fake cheesy smiles and all) the younger half - well, they kept it real- not gonna smile while lying in sticker burrs no matter what mama tries to bribe with! ha!

wilting lyrics

2011-09-12T02:48:00.001+02:00

this is the sick bed today:

this is who took up residence:

this is how she expressed how she felt:

all the while sipping her tea:

she wilted while whispering her heart songs.

it was a very quiet and relaxing time together.
feel better soon urbana ryan.

back

2011-09-11T07:28:00.000+02:00

things have been unbearably quiet on this here blog - my apologizes. summer was hard. actually - that's an understatement. summer was unfathomably difficult. homegirl really hit what we prayed was bottom and brother went tumbling after. there were so many steps backward in behaviours and attitudes. it wasn't pretty and each and every one of us felt the stress and strain of it all. so when we could sob no longer we went to grama's. both grama's. if a cookie from grama doesn't help, go to both grama's for cookies.

we just returned this past week and i for one had too many cookies. but it was so good to be "home". we saw siblings and cousins, immediate and extended relatives, nieces and nephews - we even saw grampas (and the great grampas and gramas!). we did water parks and a dairy farm. we ate, slept and breathed until our hearts nearly burst. it was much needed. it made me want to dig my hands down into the rich black soil and put down roots. it was hard to leave. actually - that's an understatement. leaving was unfathomably difficult. but, the smell of ripe juicy tomatoes from my grampa's garden held my heart strong. grama tucked a few away in a bowl and gifted urbana with them as a priceless treasure just before we piled into the car. urbana's heart burst into a hug while great-grama's heart was filled to the brim. sweet moment. the smell of ripe tomatoes overpowered (thankfully) the garbage smell that lingered in the car. it was a precious reminder that we're loved and supported even when our life is smelly and gross.

anyway, we're back. hopefully - i'm back. we'll see how regular these posts get again. in the mean time, enjoy mr. "i can toddle faster than mama can chase me"amazing. yes, mr. nello is still amazing - you know you've missed him!

after 8 long years. . . .

2011-09-11T07:00:00.001+02:00

look what hollered at me from the side of the road:

the shelf - not the books.

yes, most of the time, these type of shelves seem less practical then nostalgic -but it HOLLERED and it hollered "FREE!" I walked around swooning all day yesterday. I have randomly committed my heart to this bookshelf for 8 years. EIGHT YEARS. since the very day I could not cram another book into my book basket. "get a $10 bookshelf from the thrift store lady" you say. . . nay, nay. . . I am an anti-bookshelf sort of gal - well, mostly. this beaut has been longed after in a nonsensical kind of way for long enough. it's big, it's heavy, it's not functional enough to actually pay for, save for - so, I just dreamt about having one someday in a noncommittal kind of way. then, there she sat. right on the side of the road in all of her awkward, cool as folding-and-rolling jeans glory. my heart leaped and joel knew. his lady had wanted one too long to drive on by. isn't it fabulous!?! now, if only we could find a way to keep chateau from thinking it's his snack rack! first victim: the velveteen rabbit. sigh.

whew!

2011-08-08T07:52:00.000+02:00

as the 5 big chillins are out tromping through the soggy grass at the neighbor's, i snuggle with mr. amazing. he's truly fabulous - just in case i haven't mentioned it in awhile. he's also a champion as of late. the fella is nimble, quick, and sturdy. he has found himself to be fleet of foot. he adores the feel of cool wood slapping happily beneath his bare wee feet. he radiates with delight as he wobbles his head from side to side, chattering away and drawing in everyone else until peace has been made and all stand on common ground nodding in agreement that mr amazing is truly amazing. he is the delight and peacemaker we can all agree on. nello oak. my dear nello oak. you force me to curl my hands beneath my chin and sigh with pure happiness at the calm and cohesiveness that you bring to our hearts and home. love to you my fella.

ok - off the nello kick.

swim team finished up on friday- jacob was superb! he had the most incredible experience, made friends, improved skill and speed and just plain swam like a fish an hour a day for six weeks straight. . . .which we all know is amazing because that means that this 'ole mama got out of bed every morning at crazy early hours to rouse, ready and herd everyone out the door to be at practice by 815ish each day for 6 weeks straight! jacob was superb, but me - well, i was right there with him, by my standards anyway! i still feel like a heel though - my jazzy jake made swimmer of the week one week and i didn't shout it from the mountaintops like i should have. we did go out for dinner to celebrate though. . . .like out for a "real" dinner. not talking drive through fast-food with everyone strapped in eating in the privacy of our vehicle so we're not mortified in public by the lack of manners or tact the littles can thrive on "real". i'm talking olive garden "real" here. jacob's choice. can you imagine that joel and i took 6 children to olive garden for dinner - the thought even today makes me tremble with anxiety and fear. yet, that night 6 children were unimaginably excellent - so excellent that we even allowed them to KNOW and ENJOY those chocolate mints you get with your bill as you triple mortgage your home to pay on the way out! simply unheard of civilized behaviour that night. three - get that, THREE - couples went out of their way to come over to our table to compliment our children on their manners and politeness and courtesy - THREE times it happened - THREE! obviously no one saw us at costco an hour earlier! ha! anyway, glad i can hit snooze on the alarm tomorrow if i so choose and uber proud of mr azzami champion swimmer and delight of my heart. gymnastics has been "interesting" and ballet/tap has filled a void in a little heart that no one ever knew was there. eddie d got another mohawk which gets spiked daily with red gel - today he donned papa's sunglasses from napoli and we all wanted to shriek " mario!. . . rafaele!. . . fabrizio!. . ." he looked to be ischitella fare today for sure! (that's not a bad thing. . . ichitella makes us swoon. . .no, really. . . .swoon.)

so, i took a break while typing this up. it's now 1034pm and i just heard the sweet sound of the oven timer. . . papa's making brownies! yippee! it really is too late, but maybe no one else will smell them and wake their drowsy heads and beg for some chocolatey goodness. . . maybe we won't have to "share" until tomorrow. . . .we'll see.

anyway, just a speedy update.

ps - forgot to mention that mr. amazing has a new favorite toy - the plunger. gross.
pps - forgot to mention something much more important -mr. amazing said his first "i know what i am saying and what it means" word this past week. one night just for me and then early the next morning as i was attempting to "prove it" to papa nello ignored me. then, up steps "chuckwagon" to the plate - mr amazing turns to face her, grins, raises his chubby little hand and sweeter than sfogliatelle says "ciao, ciao". on the record as first word! trying to get it on video . . .slippery fella is gettin hard to catch on film these days. . .running free.

evaluated. . . .

2011-08-03T04:20:00.001+02:00

. . . .again.

today was seve's speech and language evaluation. we are really praying for a plan to be put into place and that he can begin therapy soon. next tuesday joel and i will be going in for a comprehensive review of the findings and informed on the plan of action. it's hard to hold onto the hope of therapy actually happening. for one reason after another all other avenues have fallen through for this little guy. just maybe this time through no one will drop the ball on him (and us!)

the evaluation itself was very repetitive compared to his past evals. the typical "which bear is dirty?" (he points to the one bathing, NOT the one covered in mud - typical boy. obviously the one bathing MUST be the one that's dirty, there'd be no other logical reason to be bathing- HA!) "ok. well, you showed me dirty, what is this?"(while pointing to the same bear he said was dirty- hoping he'd correct himself and say "clean") seve's response? "bear."

this time through the eval i realized how frustrated i was with the evaluation itself. but at the same time how incredibly proud i was of seve. you see, we work soooo hard on reading skills (with everyone) and today i saw how deeply that has sunken into seve. for the evaluation they were looking at several different things - comprehension, pronunciation, vocabulary, etc. for seve, he was putting forth every ounce of creative genius that God has blessed him with! at his age there are a lot of picture "tests" so his language development can come out easier through association. . . well, our dear seve could have cared a less that "if the turtle is under the table, than the eagle is ????? (over)" what he cared about was the action packed story just waiting to be told and animated and the awesome sound effects that are known only to 4 year old boys! man, that turtle had good reason to be under that table! did it matter to the life of that turtle whether or not seve could say that the eagle was "over" the table? absolutely not! that there eagle was out there lurking about, waiting for ample opportunity to swoop down to dine!!! let's not talk about where the eagle is - let's talk about why he's there and what he's doing! our dear sweet seve very likely foiled his evaluation, but he was surely captivated by the "story" cards! step one in pre-reading and instilling a love for learning in your child: telling back stories from pictures (aka narration, aka fine art picture study, aka the making of a genius) -check. now, onto step two: teach them to READ. it's all in there, we just keep feeding him tip-top full of more and more knowledge and love and support and praise. with a little help, therapy and hope someday soon it's going to all come pouring out in a sweet, savory, symphony to the glory of our great and mighty God. we are all so eager to hear and understand seve pray - i mean really, this boy prays. when we ask him to pray for a meal, everyone prepares themselves for a good old fashioned 10 minute prayer to spill out the depths of his wee little soul. someday, my seve's gonna be a preacher and he's gonna preach. we know not the souls he will stand in intercession for and the power that God will use through his humble frame to bring many unto Him, but we do know that seve can pray - and i mean, however so mighty, he can pray. sweet sweet seve.

as far as how his behaviours were today - he has come down with an odd virus which left him itchy and lethargic. that's a good thing. he cast aside his rebellion and survival attempts and spent a good portion of the time curled up in mama's lap. . . just snugglin. there were several times i wished we both had our pjs on yet and were sippin cider over some "real" books.

one interesting thing i was asked during the interview session was about seve's strengths and weaknesses. i loved that question because it forced me to forget about the past looooong while of muckiness and remember the strands of gold woven into him. he's a natural born gentleman. . .if there's a door to open and hold, seve does it - especially for ladies (and even catty sisters who just shoved past him on the stairs). seve is gracious and forgiving and such a true dedicated little guy. he l.o.v.e.s to help with anything. if you're in need - call seve, he'll help and help with joy. what are his weaknesses? well, i told her honestly, that when you can search down deep in the furthest reaches of his little soul -past the trauma, past the abuse, past the rebellion and coping mechanisms - that not a weakness will you find. i was stumped. stumped for sure. now, this is the same little rocket i've gone round and round with for weeks that has (coupled with another's behaviours) left me broken and weary and exasperated. not a weakness in him in the eye of my heart. couldn't find one. not one. it seems the fella is a gem. a real keeper. an honest to goodness sweetheart. he's got me good - even in the midst of all of his naughtiness - he's got this mama's heart. and he hasn't flashed me that delicious dimple anywhere near often enough lately to justify this much lovin thrown his way tonight! little rascal.

anyway, thank you for continuing to pray for our family and especially for this evaluation today. praise God for the itchy virus!

expand your vocab and change the life of our family

2011-07-30T06:03:00.000+02:00

cov·er/ˈkəvər/

Verb: Put something such as a cloth or lid on top of or in front of (something) in order to protect or conceal it.

Noun: A thing that lies on, over, or around something, esp. in order to protect or conceal it

we are asking you to pray for us.

to cover us in prayer.

we have needed an endless amount of concealment and protection lately.

there are two precious little ones who have regressed in major ways lately.

it is heart-wrenching.

why?

what has happened to trigger this?

it's irrational.

we didn't see it coming this time.

it's impossible to make sense of.

we can't try.

we can only love.

love.

love.

we have more evaluations coming up.

we have changes in schedule brewing. . . unbeknownst to them to avoid the sabotaging.

we're trying to prepare them covertly for love that's coming unexpectedly.

we're aching.

we're weary.

we're trudging through.

please cover us in prayer.

pray for the children.

pray for our schedule.

pray for the upcoming evaluations -

especially one on Tuesday at 930am

finally, seve will be evaluated for his speech.

finally, we will be informed on therapy strategies and have a plan in place the following week.

finally, we can boldly open the door of communication for him.

please pray.

trauma is rearing it's ugly head in full force.

the house reeks with it's foul odor.

wounded hearts are rebelling.

survival tactics are consuming little hearts and minds.

no one can prepare you, really and truly prepare you for what trauma and it's effects will do to your family. you have to learn the hard way. the "i will rip your lives, home and family apart and leave you -each and every one- in a wet, sobbing, pathetic heap" hard way. and then you can either stay there or look up and find yourself at the foot of the cross with a loving Saviour who has not left you and will never leave you. you can stand up, dust off what doesn't stick and trudge forward. trauma has left. . . Jesus hasn't. it's a long weary road wading through the effects of trauma, but we are not alone.

please pray for us.

cover us in prayer.

one

2011-07-20T05:32:00.000+02:00

it has finally happened -mr nello amazing has turned one.

.today.

.this very day.

time is moving about as fast as he is.

his "cake" was a bit atypical.

but maybe not for a neapolitan.

he was smitten.

and he endulged.

buon compleanno piccolino!

it turned out lovely

2011-07-17T04:36:00.000+02:00

some years in july. . . .

2011-07-16T22:34:00.000+02:00

the feeling of being socked in the stomach can wretch the living breathe out of me. as i stand in the kitchen with the earthy smell of potatoes being scrubbed i can hardly catch enough wind to fill my lungs for another round of life. here i stand, side-by-side, with my sousi. we're home together with nello, chores, and some music that rocks the depths of my memory loose. as i gaze upon sousi today every pore of my dirt form seeps sorrow. not every july is like this- wrestling through the loss of our darling Sojourn, but this july is. especially today. just the three of us here together. God chose to take Sojourn home to be with Him in July 2005. Sousi was born the same year. in three days we celebrate nello amazing's first year - July 19. i'm not sure how sojourn, sousi and mr.amazing are intertwined together in the deepest corners of my heart, but this year they are and are causing july to really sucker-punch me. some years we celebrate sojourn with a homemade angel food cake topped with pure white fluffy frosting. when the day came this year -i couldn't do it, my tears would have wilted the frosting for sure. i think tonight i'll make it. . . .my heart needs to weep through the sorrow and cake is always a soothing balm to sadness. sigh. pray for my heart - i mourn for our loss, but i want to dance in joy for Heaven's gain. oh sweet sojourn i miss the hope for you today.

snapshot preserved

2011-07-10T07:56:00.000+02:00

forever I will carry another snapshot of the sweetness of life.

a weary girl snuggled close with her "bella mia" tonight and gently whispered a lullaby to her. together, they tossed and turned restlessly - one longing for the closeness of someone "real", the other simply unable to be that someone. the loneliness settled deep within and the tears of a broken heart burst forth. a sad weary girl simply yearning to be close to those she loves and those that love her. of course she got what she so desperately vied for. i'd say that i am spoiled like that because, if i'm brutally honest, i want her to scamper in and snuggle close. so, tonight, here's the line-up thus far:

even bella mia found a pillow for her head

add papa to the yellow pillowcase by bella mia

and mama to the pink pillowcase nose to nose with nello.

full house for now. but there'll be more I'm sure. if not children, at least the dogs. both of which have taken to my foot area of the bed. two 90lb dogs, two littles, one bella mia, one papa and one mama. forever. forever i'll remember this snapshot. the smell of sweet baby breathe, the gentle sound of children sleeping, and the bleary eyed snuggles i get first thing in the morning.

worth every sleepless moment teetering on the edge of the bed hoping for either leg room or the corner of a blanket. either makes sleep come easier when the bed is full. not sure why, but we've always preferred the "sleep like a pile of mice" thing. cozier i suppose. anyway, sleep well tonight as i snuggle in with my heart full.

chuckwagon

2011-07-10T04:39:00.000+02:00

cookin' wagon style just to earn the name!

she's serious. . . call the girl "chuckwagon".

fish

2011-06-30T02:00:00.000+02:00

we are still here.
we are almost still here.
we are not here enough.
i am a "homebody".
i thrive and flourish at home.
i stay home any and every chance i get if i have the choice.
i just like to.
yes, even with always being here.
a.l.w.a.y.s.
always with the kids.
always with the dogs.
always with the birds.
always with the chaos.
i still stay home.
we are not almost still here.
sigh.
our children have turned into fish.
lots of fun for them.
not so much fun for me.
on top of a full school load with jacob and edward this summer,
(attempted) phonics and math with sousi and urbana,
the muck of parenting children of trauma,
appointment after appointment after appointment -
we have begun *normal* summer activites.
edward, sousi, urbana, seve, and nello all have swim lessons on saturdays.
jacob has swim team monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday and friday.
830-930am.
that's early for me.
really early.
every day all of the children are now up, dressed and at the table eating breakfast at 7am.
it's exhausting.
i have loathed mornings in the past.
i now mope through them.
soon we will add gymnastics and ballet/tap to our afternoon and evening life.
stay tuned for dancing fish.
summer just started. . . .
it'll be over soon - right?

plans thwarted

2011-06-23T05:41:00.000+02:00

today i composed blog posts like sonnets. they swirled in and around and through my life and mind like rose petals on a flowing current. they were posts about how sousi arranges her crayons in a sunburst pattern while she colours instead of scattering them across the table chaotically. they were about the "fun" of potty training a child of trauma who can scat on command - especially if it means candy and chocolate is bestowed when the deed is done. they were about how urbana got a new nickname and delightfully begged for a t-shirt bearing said name (chuckwagon - the nickname would be chuckwagon. . . no story behind it. none at all. just a quirky nickname to match a flitting ballerina.) they were about the delight and pride and bashful giggles reflected as jacob and edward shared with one another the "secret" love notes their mama writes them every day and hides amongst their school assignments. all of these poetically beautiful posts. . . .

thwarted.

as i stepped out of the nightly "papa" routine with the children for a bit i thought i'd watch the movie we grabbed at the library on a whim. i didn't really want to watch it. . . who would with a description like this:

"Leila who's serving a life sentence for murder is pardoned and offered a job in a secluded parsonage reading and composing letters for Father Jacob, a blind priest. She reluctantly accepts the job and resents the man at first, but gradually grows to admire him for his positive outlook and his continued help to those seeking prayers and counsel. Two completely different lives are unexpectedly intertwined in this heartwarming tale of personal redemption. This beautifully shot and scored feature is written and directed by Klaus Härö."

it sounded creepy to me, but i tend to be addicted to foreign films. it's finnish. this film is phenomenal. matter of fact -in about 30min. when the big boys are tucked in and nello amazing is gently lulled into a "milk coma" joel and i will pop some popcorn and watch it together. so, don't call - we won't answer. not sure if this is on netflix or at your local library or favorite "dirt cheap movie rental store if you like never heard of before movies". if not - buy it. we plan to. . . and i probably won't loan it out for fear of never getting it back!

Letters to Father Jacob

<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(180, 95, 6); font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 17px; ">rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>

p.s. it does have english subtitles - whew!

date with papa

2011-06-19T05:37:00.000+02:00

urbana had a long awaited date with papa on friday. they went downtown. . . .

it was all the little girl dreamed it would be. just her and her papa. can't get any better than that!

we know. . . .we know. . .

2011-06-16T02:59:00.000+02:00

no need for the warnings and words of caution and fearful lectures - we KNOW! raccoons are sometimes "ugly". they can be mean, nasty, and full of rabies - they can even jump on your heads and cause you to shriek like a wild person! we know.

but. . . .all three of her babies have died. . . she's lovely and we're sad for her. nello thinks she's captivating (from behind glass -don't get worked up!) so, she comes a calling about once or twice a week and we'll toss her something peanutty if the bird feeder she grazes at is empty. we'll all be sad for her when we move, but she'll probably not even know we're gone. . . at least not until the trash cans stop being filled and no one comes and peers at her paw to hand and dotes over her and how incredibly beautiful God made her. . . we're such animal suckers here. . . sigh.

so, please look past the fact that this creature is a raccoon and just simply enjoy the loveliness of her and the fascination of nello. oh and everyone else got mad that we barred the way taking video and pictures of nello and by the time we moved she had lumbered away - everyone around here seems to need their coon fix!

our compromise

2011-06-15T19:30:00.000+02:00

i have been a pony tail sort of girl since i can remember. it's easy and fast and doesn't matter if you've squeezed in that shower yet. there was a time i permed my hair into the tightest curls i could convince the stylest to do so that i could round it out and do my best to "fro" it. go figure. joel knew me in those faux fro days and adapted well to the curls. well, at some point in college i went back to my oil-slick-black, straight-as-a-pin hair. . . .probably because i was too broke to maintain anything else! over the years since then joel has done his part to try and convert me back to curls. . . not happening - ever. i'm just not going there again - no curls, no colours, no nuthin. no real reason why. well, the past two years we've talked about a compromise. . . .dreadlocks. kinda scary if you ask me! why would i do that? i mean, really - why? no real reason why. i don't fuss too much about hair -if it's ugly, it grows out. i learned that truth young with a home perm gone sour and destructive. hair isn't to stress over, so i casually try not to. (ok, let's not reminisce the jr. high days with can after can of hair spray and 7 inch ratted bangs! those were the days. . . ) digressing.

my point is is that i caved to the compromise a few weeks ago. joel looked at me one morning while we picked up piles of clean laundry and heaved them into nello's crib for "storage" during the day (yup - we do that. . . nello naps better on mama anyway!) and said "it's that time. you need to do it. it's not that dreads will define you or *complete* you - it's simply because they are already a part of who you are and you're not allowing them to be. so, it's time." now, i value joel's opinion more than anyone else's in the world. . . he knows me - the deep down inside mixed up me. so, when he looked me square in the face and voiced his thoughts, i had no choice - i knew he loved me and wasn't trying to lead me into a shamefully embarrassing life. besides, he's the one that's got to be seen next to me and be able to claim me as his wife without flinching!

So, here's proof of the compromise plunge. laugh, snicker, mock, shudder if you must, but remember that my dear right loves them and that i do wash them!

muck and tufts make me giggle

2011-06-15T06:44:00.000+02:00

isn't my nello delicious!?! l.o.v.e. the tuft of hair above his ears.

akkk - he just squeezes my heart to bits! such joy in abundance he brings to our home. . . nello amazing -he's fabulous.

not your grama's tea time. . .

2011-06-11T23:33:00.001+02:00

. . . but it was ours - thank you for the fun grama!

A picture collage by Smilebox

mumbling is lame

2011-06-04T07:39:00.000+02:00

i have attempted to post various life happenings over the past few days and each time i get aggravated with myself for mumbling a mass collection of nothingness and have in turn deleted my mumbles. bear with me - i do believe i am stuck in a frustrating rut. what i should share seems so lame and empty and what i shouldn't share would probably get me a free round of drinks at the local pub and as of yet, i don't frequent there.

something exciting is bound to happen soon - right? something with a bit more pizazz than finding a diaper in the right leg of footed pajamas and "stinkers" in the left leg . . .

let's not dwell on that moment- papa found it, not me.

nello now stands, the girls now "read", the sun now shines occasionally, and i now have dreads. whew! what has become of us? life is taking on a different shade of crazy here and i'm praying that when my folks show up this coming week that they really do come bearing that glorious armload of rhubarb from my grampa and grama's house that i shamelessly begged for! awaiting my fix - a sour stalk of goodness and my own bowl heaped with sugar. . . nothing says summer better except enjoying it with my grama. august can't come soon enough for me. that's when you'll find me at her house poking around looking for more rhubarb! so pray with me that grampa keeps the rabbits at bay and that something breaks the mundane around here soon.

sick, groggy and livin' on Mum-Mums

2011-05-18T03:09:00.000+02:00

we're feeling grey here this week. everyone is sick with "snotters" and sore throats. it's not a fast placed life. yesterday, I rolled out at 10am. . . .what was i thinking!?! 6 kids - i should be up by 6 at the latest! jacob chuckled and said "yea, i noticed - I was up at 6 for some reason" I thanked him and hoped he wouldn't hit me up for any baby sitting money. then, I noticed that we all were lazin' around. the only other with his eyes opened was seve. . . he was hungry. otherwise everyone else was still in bed as well. i didn't learn my lesson - today i rolled out at 9am. most everyone else felt just as miserable and sluggish. we're feelin' grey. a fading hue of grey that's a lot like the weather lately.

nello oak. well, amidst the muck and chaos of a full load of school again - he's not been livin' so large and he's hollerin for the neighbors to know! he was getting pretty independent and refusing food he couldn't feed to himself , but the past few days he has humbled himself back to the warm spoon-fed mash - just because. he's also been high on the hog with a "new" discovery for us:

they're a strange sort of styrofoam surfboard. nello thinks they're steak and potatoes. they're great b/c i can hand it to him and he smuthers it all up into this paper-mache mook in his mouth. there's no mess like those horrid biter biscuits and he has yet to gag himself with one. sigh. hopefully soon we'll all graduate back to the non-bland diet. urbana glugged away at her yoghurt this morning like it was a smoothie and declared it to be water flavoured. . .it was actually peach. doesn't make me want to cook anything yummy. silly me, i thought i was the only one tasting in grey. . . .apparently no one else is eating in technicolour either!

so, here we are - serving up Mum-Mums and waiting on baked potatoes. exciting.

hope you all are eating flavours.

twins again

2011-05-12T05:19:00.000+02:00

happy 4th birthday seve!
we love you and are so happy to have you here to hold and squeeze and sugar up! melt my heart. . . i love you.

oh no they didn't. . . .

2011-05-11T07:05:00.000+02:00

yesterday, we chose to do something. something together in a supportive, encouraging, honoring way as a family. it was for papa. . . .it was for the children. . . . it was a practicing what we preach kind of thing in order to reveal to our children the value of character, to satisfy their curiosity in a way, to show them when we expect something of them that we also expect it of ourselves. in a nut shell - we chose to do something that was a good thing. sadly, it ended up a publicized thing that was incredibly distorted. we have been relentlessly attacked today. folks have been slinging mud and dragging our name through the muck because of warped and twisted words printed online and in hard copy. it's been ugly in mudville today. it makes me sick to read such terrible things being said about my husband and my children. tonight jacob looked at me and said, "what?" i told him that i was just plain mad. that in reality i am not a nice person - believe it or not. growing up i could lash my sisters up one side and down the other verbally - i didn't mind a nasty war of words and today that ole hankerin' for a fight tapped me on the shoulder - all.day.long. it's been a looooong time since i've really unloaded. but i let it go. i let it go over and over and over. it wasn't worth trying to defend ourselves with the truth to those who didn't want the truth - just a political argument. . . . .but then. . . .

""Nello?" Man, the poor kid's gonna get pummelled in school..."

oh.no.they.did.not!

now, those be some fightin' words by my standards! Now, go on ahead and take mean and nasty cheap shots at me and mine, but don't you go smack talkin' my nello! that's dangerous ground there my friends. . . . whew! he knew not what mama he crossed with those words! this is a grown person - really! - a grown person who has not a better thing to do on a work day than ridicule a 9month old. maybe the guy doesn't know the our nello is a neopolitan. . . . typically neopolitans don't get pummelled in school. . . . ok, ok, so nello probably will get pummelled in school - but it will be by his brothers (and probably sisters) as they play some crazy form of hillbilly tackle!

now, to set the vague record straight for those of you who are the type who are going to immediately do a google search to see if you can get the story - we were NOT involved in a (the) protest. . . .this makes me chuckle - mostly because as i think about joel being involved in a protest it all seems absurd. he's the guy who loathes eggs and tuna and never tells anyone -he protests nothing. me? well, i pretty much protest everything but i do it in my closet with the door closed and my head bowed in prayer! sigh.

please - don't mess with my nello. . . you just may make me turn for the fight by tapping on that part of my shoulder and truth be told - you mess with me, you mess with mine. you don't want to mess with mine. . . .we've all been in the paper for rabble rousing! my papa called this morning to remind me that the trouble makin comes from my mama's side. . . .ha! right dad, right.

happy mama's day

2011-05-09T03:12:00.000+02:00

Free picture slideshow personalized with Smilebox

i heart this book

2011-04-29T05:20:00.001+02:00

this book makes me want to giggle and snicker and well, sigh.

saving those pennies for a new treadmill.

yes. . . i'm a dreadmiller - and i'm ok with that.

in the mean time. . .this is a great book.

lace 'em up!

cry me a river

2011-04-27T04:34:00.000+02:00

as i sit here aghast, i wonder how this could have happened.

was there miscommunication?
should there have been a contract signed?
we've been in very close communication for just over 9 months. . . .maybe he didn't understand.
surely there are a lot of shoulda/coulda/wouldas.
why? i ask myself over and over - why now?

cry me a river. whoa is me. bring on the blubbering.

mr nello amazing is cutting a tooth.

now,i know for certain that when he began crawling he and i had a heart to heart about this whole tooth thing. . . . not happening. we agreed. no teeth -none! not until 18 months. so, what is this that has happened? nothing short of a great tragedy if you ask me!

so long sweet, endearing, gummy smile. break my heart. my nello oak is breaking my heart tonight. sorry no pictures - just too sad.

buon compleanno urbana

2011-04-17T04:17:00.001+02:00

happy birthday urbana! 4years old today. . . you're growing more beautiful by the moment.

i love you so very much my girl.

someday, you will be a doctor like this world has never seen before.

you live, love and serve for His glory already

God is faithfully preparing you year by year for His service and your heart overflows with His graces. Our beautiful and compassionate doctor to be - we love you.

hoop to the extreme

2011-04-16T15:34:00.000+02:00

last weekend, as the imminent task of cleaning loomed heavily over us, joel and i made a decision to live in filth and have a *party* instead. . . . .a hoop making party! we are so very glad we did. hoops were made for everyone in perfect-fit sizes and then decorated in specialty colours - colours to match personality and every whim of imagination. we had a blast making them and the children have conqured the almighty hoop this week! jacob and edward are by far the best hoopers with urbana and papa shortly behind in the race to be great. the rest of us? well, slowly but surely.

smitten again

2011-04-15T07:00:00.000+02:00

i am so blessed to say that i have a new niece - her mama and papa gave me permission to put her beautiful face here for all to dote on . . . happy doting!

Clara Grace born 10:57pm. 8lb. 13oz.
Sunday, April 3, 2011




sleeping beauty




snuggle close




cradled in love

she's forgetting more

2011-04-14T18:59:00.000+02:00

today she told me that she doesn't remember what her mama's face looks like. . . .
today she said that she prays for her mama with the hope that they will be together in Heaven someday. . .
today she hopes that her mama lives forever in the same home so that she can find her again someday and give her a dandelion because they are pretty. . .
today she was shocked to hear that her *baby* brother isn't a baby anymore, but now he's 2 and a half. . . .

time is passing, life is moving forward and her memories are fading. she aches. she asks. she tries to understand, but cannot. i just answer and pray and encourage and support and love. it's hard for me, but i cannot fathom her pain. . . . this is her mama she is forgetting - HER MAMA. i need to go cry in the shower.

jacob's project

2011-04-14T02:17:00.008+02:00

Learn more about this project

*PRESS YOUR SPACE BAR TO WATCH IT AND TURN ON YOUR SPEAKERS*
Jacob did this on Scratch
*i don't know how to make it stop. . . jacob laughs his villainous laugh and says that you can't make it stop! I just refresh the page and it's done!*

there's so much to report. . . BUT!

2011-04-14T00:03:00.001+02:00

i have like 3.2 seconds to shout this out b/c edward was promised some Scratch time after he got the mail, and well. . . edward's lightening fast like that! There's so much to report about - babies, (no, not another here!) stock car races, demolition derby, and hoop-hoop-hooping (we've gone to the extreme!) BUT - 3.2 seconds -right!?! ugh -he's back! ok, quick -

2 weeks ago sousi got spittin nails crazy MAD at me. she got down right stomping feet, scowling, wet mad at me. . . why? in the midst of her "rage" she started laughing. . . has she really gone mad!?! no. I made her smile. she got sooo mad because I MADE HER SMILE! spittin nails mad. the very creature who is terrible, horrible, never nice, always the big meanie mama MADE HER SMILE! and she got mad about it! can you see my big cheesy grin and the glimmer in my eyes as I recall this? well. . . . SHE JUST DID IT AGAIN! I tell you this girl has had ENOUGH. by golly she may just learn to live freely here under the rule of mean ole mama who makes her smile. I didn't even pull out the clown wig ya'll! she is the maddest when she realizes she is happy - and loved - and cherished - and special - and not gonna win mama's new games designed to help her stop playing her gross games. . . not gonna win mama's games = a feeling of safety and trust and spittin nails mad b/c double rats, now I'm smilin. no smilin here - especially b/c of mama.

she's mad b/c I MAKE HER SMILE!!!! we've come a long way baby. . . luv you s.

a glimpse of us

2011-04-09T05:27:00.000+02:00

here are some odd shots of each of us. . . .

this one's for you aunt janna

2011-04-08T06:21:00.000+02:00

oh yea. . . .life here has taken a turn for the odd. we have officially gotten "wound up" over the ever so retro hula hoop. we are smitten, excited and having a blast this week. edward is surely the hands down best hooper in the house - he can really move/shake/jive. . . .he can do a mean hoop. i think we're addicted.

pardon the willy nilly video, it was my first time using this new video maker combining a lot of different videos with *fun stuff* I didn't quite know how to use - it was fun!

architect

2011-03-31T05:14:00.002+02:00

for anyone who might not know - papa is an architect. it seems that our sousi's crazy talented design skills are come by honestly! this girl has some amazing abilities when it comes to blocks. she doesn't just build - she creates masterpieces! we've moved her into some BLICK BLOCKS which she currently has a love/hate relationship with. she loves them because she knows that she blows our minds at how truly easy they are for her and hates them because occasionally it dawns on her that she's following the directions to get them done . . . .still fighting authority in many ways, sometimes in big ways and sometimes in small. anyway, here are some shots of our next generation architect in action.

rotting on Sweet Land

2011-03-28T05:30:00.002+02:00

well, friday afternoon aunt karen left and i collapsed into bed. this week there's been sickness about and by friday afternoon it had taken a good hold on me. i ventured about on saturday to help with cleaning, but when nello amazing called out for some love - i ditched and snuggled up for some shut eye with my nello. it's now sunday night and i've been down and out ever since. up all night last night with fever and chills and headache - edward says the chills last about a day. he would know, he had it first. so, during the lull between children jumping all over the bed and stumbling out for a tissue i began the "rotting your brain out" recovery process - you know, movies. there was angelina ballerina, there was g-force, there was cloudy with a chance of meatballs - it was an ugly recovery process. like i said though - there were wee ones jumping all over the bed. . . sigh. finally, tonight, as nello fell asleep in my arms and it seemed no one else would soon make their presence known, I watched a film - a real film. i am so glad i did. even knowing the house got trashed and that the dirty water in the mop bucket along with the mop are exactly where i left them on saturday morning - i am glad i watched this one:

sweet land.

it's beautiful and lovely and it makes that side of my heart that yearns for living on the land ache. it made me smile. it made me sad. someday - someday i may get my home in the country and have a screen door that squeaks and slams. someday i may sit at my old wooden table and snap beans. ugh. maybe someday.

squirrel to celebrate

2011-03-22T04:19:00.000+01:00

edward my edward. he turned 8 today.

he requested a squirrel cake this year.

he's our lover of animals, adventure and all things outdoors

chocolate cake/ peanut butter frosting -yum!

gifted

2011-03-21T03:52:00.001+01:00

my dear right gifted me this:

i haven't had too much time to peruse through the pages, but the time i have spent between the binding assures me that it.is.fabulous.

hair

2011-03-21T03:45:00.000+01:00

we did a sunburst pattern (not very visible in the photos, mi dispiace!) this weekend with beads. we haven't done beads in awhile to avoid damaging her ends. papa had jacob, edward and nello amazing at the robotics competition during this so the chaos was held to a minimum and we made it through braiding in about 2 hours. fresh and new for aunt karen's arrival!

personality

2011-03-21T03:38:00.000+01:00

these two together are a riot!

when papa teaches school

2011-03-21T03:36:00.000+01:00

last week the boys got a taste of papa as teacher. look what they did for math - city planning. this is just jacob's - edward's work is - well. . . .i think in his dog's digestive tract somewhere!

she did it!

2011-03-21T03:28:00.001+01:00

over the past year it has been a real struggle to gauge where sousi was/is academically. mostly because anything and everything including mama was . . . .well. . . .a struggle. so, imagine my surprise the other day when, completely out of character for sousi, SHE EAGERLY PRACTICED HER ALPHABET! she was really mumbling through the whole "l,m,n,o,p" (like eveyone does) so we slowed it down and went over and over and over this section of the alphabet to be sure she could not just say the letters correctly, but also realize they were individual letters. SHE DID IT, SHE DID IT, SHE DID IT! and for mama to boot! whew - what a milestone! yippee!!

cold nose, warm heart

2011-03-17T03:56:00.000+01:00

tonight as i tucked urbana into bed her nose was cold. i love cold noses. they remind me of camping. you know - you awake early to the sound of birds singing, you wonder at the hardness of the earth beneath you as you stare up at the tent ceiling heavy with dew and then you can feel it - your nose is cold. the rest of you is warm and bundled in the sleeping bag, but your nose is cold. i love cold noses. gently, i gave her wee little nose a kiss and thanked God for her. then, just like many many nights before, she prayed for a little girl named isabela and the warmth of her heart poured forth. she has a beautiful and compassionate heart, lingering in faith always. what a blessing to this world she is. cold nose, warm heart. . . .

raising healthy eaters

2011-03-16T02:50:00.003+01:00

no clue how to do it.

BUT -

we have "always" (meaning that I can't remember when people didn't say this) had people amazed at how NOT picky our children are in their food choices. All of our children will put nearly anything in their mouths to eat and proclaim it YUMMY. Why? I have no idea. I suppose we're just blessed that way. It's not that we tried to make them open minded about food- they just naturally took that upon themselves. I think having Jacob so early in our marriage and at a young age made me naive enough to believe that if you give your child veggies, they'll eat them - if you don't, they won't! I'm not sure. I tend to get desensitized to the fact that there are zillions of families out there who battle at mealtimes with their children. I stand dumb-founded, because we never have. . . . it's mind-boggling and sad to me. now, it is true that when sousi and seve first joined us we would play the "vomit" game - you know the one. the "i will eat this, but then i will vomit everywhere to show you that i can still win this food battle" game. yea. we don't play that anymore - did you hear that!?!? WE DON"T PLAY THAT ANYMORE - at least not at the table, sometimes at 2am when we would like someone to play with, but not at the table over food anymore. a blessing, I know.

Today was one of those AMAZING kind of days where I stood back and chuckled and said "Lord, look what you did. . . .l.o.v.e. you -thank you!" We had an early morning appt. for sousi and seve and planned afterwards to do a costco run. i love and loathe costco -love it b/c it's great, loathe it b/c everyone thinks it's great and makes it overcrowded, overstimulating, and just plain overwhelming. Anyway - costco run. Made the appt. and headed to get some groceries. Upon our arrival we filled up the gas tank and my how joel sighed. . . . the great and mighty beast that hauls around our crowd drank up half of our grocery money. sigh. it's the way it goes though. we head in and start in produce. there i stand, looking at the carrots and celery trying to pinch pennies and then the children start in on me. . . ."mama, can we get" "mama, can I have" "mama" "mama" "mama" I try ignoring them, and turning a deaf ear and blind eye, but then it began to have the feel of a gang fight and i didn't want the other moms with their quiet little girls in curls and boys in galoshes terrified as to what 6 children grow into, so I began actually listening to what my kids were begging for: CUCUMBERS, SPINACH, BRUSSEL SPROUTS, BLUEBERRIES!!!!! and there I stand pretending not to hear them! ACKKK!!!! it was one of those moments where you want to give them the world and pay bills from jail because of it. we"caved" on the spinach and hoped for frozen blueberries. of course we already had oodles of other produce, so i didn't feel bad saying no to those brussel sprouts! when we found ourselves in the frozen foods section and found one son heart-broken because the blueberries were not in stock, we opted for a huge bag of Yoplait Frozen Smoothie mix -good choice. fabulous choice. dinner tonight.

so, as we sit back and watch jacob opt for no meat, no potatoes - just peas please, Edward sitting on the counter with blue face and fingers giggle behind a 2qt bowl of blueberries at 10pm, sousi gobble down beans and beg for more before anyone takes their first bite, urbana strut through the kitchen with a fistful of red pepper slices and hork down enough olives to make the most doubtful cast aside their thoughts about her being a true italian, and seve attack and dismember an orange in seconds - we wonder what God has done this good thing for. we know He's preparing them each uniquely for their lives ahead and it's fascinating to watch and wonder where they'll go by simply watching what they eat - because they LOVE it, not because we put it on their plates and make them.

that being said, my potato chips are making my fingers too greasy to type so I should go.

i told you i had no idea how to raise healthy eaters! i love my chips!

sousi turns 6

2011-03-13T01:49:00.000+01:00

happy birthday sousi

mixed emotions today

another year beautiful

6 down, 100 more to go

no cookies for nello

2011-03-06T07:57:00.000+01:00

it seems i always post nello amazing videos. . . . . he's just so amazing! actually, most everyone else turns videos into stage shows instead of being "au naturale". not so fun to watch. well, not as fun as being caught in the act of something fun and more "in the moment". that being said - here's mr. nello amazing grumbling for a cookie. . . .

they make me dream in jibberish

2011-03-06T06:07:00.000+01:00

CRAZZZY twins

bringing back the 80's

2011-03-06T06:01:00.000+01:00

with terrible lighting! originally, these were made with ribbons. . . i was desperate to make one and could only find embroidery floss. it almost turned out better this way because you can tie all sorts of wonky beads onto the hanging floss. ANYWAY - it's fun and colourful but you'd never know by the lousy photos -sorry about that.

these photos are worse than i thought! i used green and brown floss and tied hot pink, orange, white, green, yellow and brown beads in. . . . if i ever get a better picture i'll update this.

ill

2011-03-06T05:54:00.000+01:00

. . . but recovering

103.5 and stitched

2011-03-03T16:33:00.000+01:00

yuck.

what did you do yesterday? we sat in the er for 6 hours. seve was at 103.5 upon our arrival. . . .an ear infection was the culprit.

jacob got stitched up. . . .3 wee little cat's whiskers on his elbow. . . light-saber dueling was the culprit.

boys.

hair days

2011-03-01T19:49:00.000+01:00

hair days have continued here (obviously!), but with much less attention on this blog. I apologize. sousi has had some beautiful hair. . .

our hair days have turned into hair weekends lately. this *special* time has become a difficult journey for us . honestly, every time hair weekend approaches I long to just throw in the towel and pay for professional braids. i just don't want to do it anymore - I take that back, i DO want to braid sousi's hair. i DO want to bond with her. i DO want to have special times with her. i DO want her to feel beautiful and loved. i DO NOT want to be verbally abused for hours on end by my daughter who has major attachment and bonding "issues". it breaks my heart and wears me out emotionally. i consume way too much coffee on hair weekends. we have clearly seen sousi's attempts to push me away out of fear during our hair time. she attacks and attacks and attacks me during this time of "healing" because it stirs in her the most amount of tenderness and safety and gentleness and it scares her. she feels safer when she's mistreated and abused and neglected. when she's touched gently and loved and talked to with patience and kindness it scares her and she fights - she fights me into tears. so, in order that i can preserve the gentleness, we do hair over days now. and honestly, at the end of our days - i don't always take pictures because i simply don't want to. i have realized though that she needs me to take the pictures as much as she needs me to keep my hands in her hair. yesterday, as we finished up her hair, she actually requested that I take some pictures of her hair! as i turned to get the camera she called after me that she wanted me to take the pictures to put on the computer . . . . for her biological mother. another attack. sigh. now don't get me wrong - i LOVE to provide updates and pictures to sousi and seve's biological parents, i do that already. but these timely words were to remind me at the end of a long 4 day hair ordeal that despite any love and safety she was feeling - i was still being held at a distance and not being allowed "in".

so,in my longing for her to heal - here's sousi.

please keep praying for her . . . .and me.

upon his request

2011-02-28T21:55:00.000+01:00

added to my sidebar is a collection of books that I would fancy. . . .

. . . .they were put on here at the request of my dear right.

supposedly at each refresh or visit the books will be randomly changed from a list I have going. i'm not too technical, so we'll see.

bordem therapy

2011-02-24T20:06:00.000+01:00

when we're sick, we get a nice hot drink and some crackers and spend the entire day in bed.

sorry - admitting that we played the "vomit game" at 2am because we were awake and wanted to play and read books doesn't get us out of "being sick".

trolling

2011-02-21T21:29:00.000+01:00

shortly after we moved here we went trolling. . . .

gross jacob!

where's edward!?!

don't be scared sousi!

giggling urbana

surprise sève!

yes, even nello was brave.

what fun!

boys, boys, boys

2011-02-21T01:33:00.000+01:00

papa and nello

jacob

seve

edward

meet the dogs

2011-02-21T01:30:00.000+01:00

banyan

chateau

it's good to have our dogs again.

just because

2011-02-20T04:48:00.000+01:00

isn't she bella!?!

i caught her quirkiness today

she caught mine, too.

I don't wear glasses (especially sunglasses with the lens' popped out), never don earrings and only rarely wrap my head in left over cowboy material from when j & e were toddlers carrying six-shooters and sporting stetsons! it was a quirky day here for sure.

just so you don't think we're always hip refined boho types. . . here's Urbana's purple punk day two days ago! we're trying hard to break all the molds!

somber beauty

2011-02-20T04:44:00.000+01:00

she is so incredibly beautiful, but more so when she smiles. I took this one day this week when she was having a tough day. it's so hard for me to try and pull her back out of her shell. it's as though she just disappears sometimes within herself and nothing can break through. oh how i love her and ache for her. keep praying.

so somber in her beauty

in my presidency

2011-02-19T06:21:00.001+01:00

so to speak.

*everyone* (whomever *everyone* really is, I don't know.) always comments on how the presidency ages a man. it's obvious if you look at pictures. they go into office looking young, rested and eager. they leave office tired, old and bedraggled. maybe this isn't true of every president, but seems to be for an awful lot. today i was confronted with the reality that i am in what seems to be my term in office. my dear right rarely ventures to give his two cents when it comes to me and how life is changing me, but today he dared to give. with ginger steps he voiced his concern. there's someone in my life who is aging me. aging me in unconventional ways - ways that are concerning and hard to pin-point for my dear right. it's true - I can feel it, see it - I live it. it's hard and ugly, but truth nonetheless.

so.

it needs to stop.

how?

i'm not sure, but I read this today here:

". . . . nothing makes you feel young like putting food on your face."

I'm not huge on natural everything. . . some days I'm not huge on natural anything - but there are some things I just may try for fun. just because. it's been a long time since I've done something - just because. maybe that's a platform or stepping stone that God will use to help me come through this presidency with a bit more grace and dignity and self confidence than I seem to be carrying with me anymore. i don't know. but i sure don't like being told that I am beginning to visibly age, almost right in front of your eyes, and that I am changing in a lot of ways due to the stress of this particular situation. so maybe I'll slap some food on my face and hair (with the help of a child or two!) and it will help me exit my term of office as a dignified head of state!

while he was contemplating. . . .

2011-02-17T01:41:00.000+01:00

. . . . how he was going to prove to the world that he could stand on his own - I was doing this:

isn't he truly amazing!?!

egads! he's at it again

2011-02-17T01:15:00.003+01:00

growing up that is. . . . .

nello amazing's latest feat!
*his mattress HAS now been lowered!*

a plea from bana . .ehr . . URbana

2011-02-15T04:36:00.000+01:00

first - let me say "happy valentine's day" and "thank you for the cards!" they were a big hit all around, although I can say that probably 2 out of the 6 children had any clue what they were for - even with an explanation! Basically, there was chocolate - enough said - THANK YOU!

now. . . .URbana wanted to say something to *everyone*. . . .

as a disclaimer and so no one feels bad or offended - I'll have it be known that we re-shot this video about 6 times because I was calling her "bana" in the video - hence the giggling start on this one. so, now she has spoken - her name shall be URbana from now on if she can help it!

holding HIS hand

2011-02-14T05:21:00.001+01:00

her nose is softly curved.
her eyes closed in rest.
she sleeps gently.
i run my finger over her cheek and across her lips.
her hair tumbles on the pillow.
i lay here beside her and weep.
i weep as i haven't wept since july 2005.
tonight i am holding HIS hand and sobbing my heart out.
please pray.
i cannot breathe as my heart is choking in sorrow for Susana's family.
please pray.

tunisia

2011-02-09T20:21:00.001+01:00

a trip to tunisia several years ago. . . . when we only had half of our tribe.

africa of old

2011-02-08T20:07:00.000+01:00

I have really been on an african kick lately. I cannot help but to manipulate photos and of the thousands we have - the ones from africa are my favorite. so, that being said - here's a few more of jacob and edward from their trek last summer.

nigeria

2011-02-08T02:06:00.002+01:00

holding goats

2011-02-08T02:05:00.003+01:00

the boys in a Masai village

slingin pasta

2011-02-04T04:46:00.000+01:00

today was one of those greeting card days. the kind that you chuckle about. chuckle mostly because you've been there before and you cried while you were. it was a surreal day. my heart was in one place grieving, another place celebrating and another pumping blood wondering who was eating leftover country potatoes from breakfast! we've had strange and efficient days lately. days where life actually gets accomplished. dry days. (that one's worth mentioning again) DRY DAYS. successful school days. days full of free time, because is there really anything more to do after school, library, playdoh, colouring, stickers, baking, twirling, wallace and grommit, and popcorn? no. we've had strangely successful days lately. the kind where you wonder who's setting you up for what. so then today. it was pleasant and fair in it's own right, just a greeting card sort of day. there was a moment where jacob and edward were reading, seve was playing, sousi was looking through a heap of picture books, urbana was watching an italian childrens movie, nello was content in his own way (ehem - content hollerin for mama) and I was heaped on the floor attached to my pumpkin-orange corded phone talking to my sister. pasta was boiling away on the stove. the noise in the house was reaching an all time high and then "snap" someone took a picture and slapped it onto a greeting card, added a silly quip about the chaotic life you used to live and now everyone chuckles at another lady's misery. but there was never misery in that original moment - it's just the way the photo turned out and the silly caption that makes everyone think there was. of course there are shoes and coats all over the floor and dogs laying around and birds squawking and bibs and cups and dust. let's not forget dirty dishes, laundry and crumbs on the table - those kind of go without mentioning in my book though! from the snapshot on the greeting card, feel free to chuckle at this other lady's misery, but I say there wasn't any in the original moment - you'll just have to take my word for it. the moment passed and as my edward refilled bowls with pasta. . . and red sauce . . . we found ourselves slingin pasta.

just like that.

ok - so we weren't actually THROWING it, just slingin it down the hatch. giggling over the nonsense in the fresh batch of library books and the odd looking cat who naively followed us home. silly thing - no one mentioned the place had dogs and birds and rats and spiders and raccoons and squirrels!

strange day it was. a greeting card sort of day. funny, sad, maybe a bit pathetic, but overall - a bit hard to capture in just a snapshot.

relief to the madness

2011-01-28T07:15:00.000+01:00

just reposting something easier on the eye and more *me*

. . . . . . . .aaaaahhhhhh

the boys. . . by request of eddie d.

2011-01-28T07:12:00.000+01:00

no worries - I'll trump these photos with a repost of myself and nello amazing! yes indeed, shamelessly - I'll repost the exact same photo of previous. . . .i do truly just love it!

oh i love this one

2011-01-28T05:43:00.001+01:00

my nello amazing and yes. . . .me. i always forget how really dark my hair is. . . .anyway, a rare photo of me - and rarer yet, one that i like.

pigtails and braids - following up

2011-01-28T05:38:00.000+01:00

papa came home with his laptop. . . I had nothing better to do with my time . . . ok, avoiding alot of *dull* tasks at the moment - had fun playing with a few photos though.

here's bana's pigtails:

and some braids:

and what she likes to do with braids:

buried in pigtails

2011-01-28T02:20:00.000+01:00

urbana has taken quite a fancy to pigtails lately. it's a very sweet thing considering her lack of hair until. . . well, very possibly last week. she wears them high, she wears them low, she longs to wear them in the snow! I can put pigtails in 50 times a day. She'll twirl the house over, all the while shaking her head as fast as she can to really feel those tails swing! because all of the pictures I've taken recently are on papa's laptop, which of course he has with him today - I have no pigtail photos to share. so, instead, here's a lifetime of hair growth in pictures!

I'd say "pigtails" has come a long way in almost FOUR years! There was a reason we trained her at birth to wear all of those adorable hats!

calling it a stalemate

2011-01-26T23:51:00.000+01:00

today's just one of those kind of days.

when I was nearly done with jacob and edward's school I felt a strange sort of "presence" around me. I looked up and was immediately overwhelmed. there they stood - sousi, urbana and sève - all three staring at me. they had formed some sort of "club". it was as though not a one of them could function in any sort of capacity without ME being ever present. it was an ugly situation. sousi went to bed last night with her game face on to open her day with "papa! there are little girls walking around in my dollhouse today!" great sousi, great. urbana woke at 4am and has yet to close her eyes again, sève was up at 619am and has taken to the "paste" alternative for attracting attention today. all day. it has been all day today. nonstop. one thing after another. crazy in the craziest sort of way. finally, I cornered urbana and just asked her to pray with me. she looked at me and simply said "I will pray that Jesus makes you happy". It was a moment of refreshment for me. here, one of the three musketeers on overdrive, was reminding me to lift my heart and eyes beyond the situation and to seek calm and peace and order in Jesus and I would indeed find it. FINALLY! All of those short prayers of help that I have cried out with today were answered in a simple prayer of a 3 year old. she knew how to make mama's day better - the same way to make hers better - ask and expect Jesus to help. I can't say the madness has ended, but we're in a sort of holding pattern right now - a stalemate as you will. edward's getting the mail, jacob said he wouldn't mind picking up dog scat at all since he "already smells like poop anyway" (the odor in the air today!) sousi is squatting on the floor staring at me while singing her version of the alphabet LOUDLY hoping I'll glance over so she can look at urbana and either hit her or tell her that she can't sing along. . .sigh, will she never tire of trying to get in trouble? urbana's patiently waiting to see how this plays out and sève is grunting as he stands next to nello (who's been put down and is crying)

I think more coffee is in order and then some grammar - the best medicine in a lousy moment - teach the subject that makes TOTAL sense to the boys and that makes absolutely NONE to me! reaffirming the crazy.

sharing the love

2011-01-20T08:38:00.001+01:00

enjoy you some nello amazing . . . .

my sousi

2011-01-20T05:50:00.002+01:00

i took some photos of sousi today and i think she's gorgeous - especially when she smiles. . .

the black and white of this one looks a bit odd with the others, but I wanted to add it in b/c I really like that you can see the painting we brought back for her from one of our trips to haiti

saga continued

2011-01-16T19:19:00.000+01:00

an update:

papa called after being MIA for 6 1/2 hours - the car died. "of course!"

BUT - at 10:42pm I can officially report that the house was immaculate and all children were momentarily tucked into their own beds and dry.. . . . that didn't last long. . . . the dryness or the cleanliness.

oh well.

warning: too much information

2011-01-16T01:05:00.000+01:00

it all started 2 days ago - we ran out of laundry soap.

of course most people would just swing into the store and pick up more . . . but where's the fun in that!?! we foolishly laughed in jest at the idea - we actually welcomed a day or so of avoiding the heaps of laundry to be folded day in and day out. besides, we had actually conquered ALL laundry at the moment - not a bib to be washed. Then . . . .

. . . .hahahaha (think bill cosby laughing in one of his fat albert routines)

children started "not making it" to the potty - for #1 AND #2! FOUR children added the daily miscalculations to their nights as well! Wet clothes, wet linens, wet towels, wet EVERYTHING piled up - GROSS. So, yesterday, we bought a vat of laundry soap and said "bring it on! let the linen washing commence!" We went to bed and then today happened.

Our day began much as usual. Waking groggy, wondering when it was that urbana crawled in bed with us and then realizing that *someone's* nighttime diaper didn't contain as it promised. Our linens add to the pile. Next is the strange feeling that MY clothes are damp. . . mr. amazing's diaper didn't hold fast either. A call from the other room confirms another wet bed and then the call of seve. . . .

Now, seve is fabulous. we treasure him deeply and take great delight in his eagerness to help and his compassion with others and his delight in praying and singing. But there's one thing that can hamper any relationship with that sweet fella. . . . his "paste". typically my dear right and I dodge each other and scurry around busy with ANYTHING to try and pin the paste confrontation on the other. . . sad, but it IS gross. Today urbana decided to investigate seve while papa and I played our game of paste procrastination. It was then that things started to take a turn for the even worse. Urbana calls up that the DOG had gone "poopoo" in the front room. . . . ugh. "papa - you better get that before seve does!" Off he stumbles. naste everywhere. all over the front room -everywhere. papa cleans it up. papa cleans up seve. papa showers. mama cleans up nello. the girls shower. breakfast. one child goes stinkers on the floor in front of the toilet. more seve paste. nello does his "big job" again. papa gets the yard dog poop free. papa escapes to "run errands". mama takes up the task of saturday cleaning - bathrooms, floors, everything. mr. nello amazing screams and screams and screams and finally sleeps (he's ill). I get things prepped to start on the bathrooms, start a pot of soup and begin on two mirrors - a child urinates on the floor. clean it up. add cleaner to the toilets. check soup. smell something odd. ugh - dog did it AGAIN! bribe jacob and edward with 10 minutes of wii if they'll clean it up. yuck. upstairs to finish bathroom #1 - nello is awake and screaming. sigh.

forget it - forget it all. cleaning will just plain wait until everyone is tucked in bed for the night.

a few short days ago a man who God crossed my path with while in Haiti after the earthquake emailed this:

Psalm 65:11 - You crown the year with Your goodness, And Your paths drip with abundance.
This Psalm is my prayer for you during 2011.

we chuckled when we read it - the whole "drip with abundance" thing. . . today - well, let's just say it's not funny anymore.
my life is wet, smelly and gross right now and with PLENTY of abundance.
where is papa. . . .

today, I ache then.

2011-01-13T05:39:00.000+01:00

there are so many more eloquent and reflective people in the world than me that can summarize one year ago in haiti with more panache than I can muster right now, so I'll let them.

I can just simply say that today, I ache then.

I ache then because EVERY day and EVERY night I love and hold and cry either with, for or because of two very dear children who cannot breathe without great fear. we've seen amazing progress in both sousi and seve, but we've also seen how deeply fear has clutched hold of them. just yesterday a simple question posed ended 40 minutes later after another earthquake rehash. these sweet children live, breathe, and function out of a deep fear that I cannot fathom - a type of fear that makes me shake my fist out of exasperation and hang my head in prayer.

I ache the moments then because I know there are thousands of children and families stumbling through the same fears and loss and terror. it makes me sad and I ache.

. . . .but. . . . then God. . . . He can heal and restore and bring life and joy and hope. so, I keep my eyes on Him as I ache with them.

not this week. . . yes, THIS week.

2011-01-12T03:12:00.000+01:00

there are stages in the children's lives that make me so sad - happy, but yet sad. the *worst* for me is when they get a tooth. that sweet gummy grin is instantly gone. . . .forever.

but then there's redemption in that one. . . wait a few years and those front teeth start falling out! the children think I'm crazy, but all day, everyday when they're missing their front teeth I beg them, banter them, hound after them just to show me a glimpse of those precious gums again. I'm odd like that - sentimental like that. sigh.

another is the stage of mobility. I know that nearly everyone dreads mobility because it makes life. . . how shall we say. . . .fun, fast, busy, slightly more chaotic! I dread it for those reasons some, but MOST because the little ones no longer yearn so much to snuggle.

there was a call to grama/grampa t. last night because I knew I wouldn't be getting to this blog anytime soon. ha! alas, here I am again and this is what I found from my sister:

Cruz'n Along said...

crawling....is Nello Amazing crawling!! oh, my!!

sweet nello was "outed". yes, my dear sister. . . mr. Nello Amazing is indeed officially crawling.

I sit with my head in my hands and cry as I watch him move into mobility and out of my arms, but then he looks back at me and gives me that HUGE gummy grin that screams "mama! look what I can do!" and I fall head over heals in love with him and drop something else for him to scurry after. . . . just because. then of course I scoop him up and make him promise to grow NO TEETH (NONE!) until he's at least 18 months. rascal.

this week. . . yes, THIS week nello crawls. somewhat a mirror image of how our children are adjusting/adapting/meshing/progressing. . . .one year after the earthquake. crawling. sometimes with that "push so hard I go backwards" crawl, sometimes with the "up on all fours and rock forward" crawl, sometimes with the "full fledge" crawl, and sometimes with the ever popular "army" crawl. yet, we crawl- slowly and steadily we crawl.

soup joumou tradition

2011-01-10T02:43:00.000+01:00

traditionally, soup joumou is made and savored by haitians the world over on january 1 to celebrate their independence. it's a deep, satisfying, pumpkin based soup. there are a slew of recipes out there with minor variants among them. this year we had the blessing of enjoying this yummy soup with friends of old.

11 years ago joel and I were married. 11 years ago we met our dear friend "j" . . . she was "date" to our best man "d". 11 years ago they celebrated our wedding with us and between that event and last weekend we not once laid eyes upon another. of course we emailed. . . .
"d" and "j" married shortly after we did and have lived a nomadically blessed life as we have. God has given them 5 of the most beautiful and gracious children we have ever encountered. last weekend the four of us thought it good to gather up our 11 children and spend a weekend celebrating. we celebrated the new year, the independence of haiti and our anniversary. it was a wonderful weekend - probably one of the best ones we've ever had.

who would have imagined that 4 old friends, 11 children and lots of fellowship could be so refreshing. we truly left their home renewed and refreshed and encouraged. it was as though we sat by a well of refreshment the entire weekend. being among friends, like-minded, struggling, faithful, enduring, encouraging, supportive, loving, accepting, prayerful, steadfast. . . the list could go on forever. . . . was a gift we'll always treasure.

in a nut-shell, last weekend God gave us a reprieve of great magnitude with our humble and beautiful friends and we are deeply grateful.

buon natale

2010-12-28T03:26:00.000+01:00

a few days late in saying merry christmas, but merry christmas nonetheless! we've begun a tradition with urbana (and probably nello, someday) making struffoli. struffoli is a traditional neopolitan christmas sweet of fried dough balls drenched in honey. typically mixed in are candied fruits, nuts, sprinkles, etc. urbana chose the simplicity of sprinkles for her struffoli.

yum!

to take delight and to love

2010-12-22T19:05:00.000+01:00

stilton cheese

2010-12-19T22:00:00.001+01:00

there are such strong "mama bear" feelings about immunizations that I'm not sure how to approach the subject without hesitating. . . .

I understand both sides of the controversy and I ache for the entire situation. Jacob had some pretty insightful, thinking out of the box and away from the needle things to say about it this week - here's the situation:

schedules didn't mesh the day of nello amazing's 4 month well baby (I know, I know - he's now 5 months. . . .just be impressed that I remembered it at all!) so, there I sat with all 6 children in a small very hot doctor's office. doc came in and was immediately flustered. apparently she came in armed with her best advice for young mothers of 4 month olds and was thrown a bit by the sight of 6 children and a mama who didn't need the speech (she just needed a window cracked and another espresso!) everything good and insightful doc had rehearsed that morning was now useless, she had nothing to caution, inform, persist about and I could tell it unnerved her. then the moment came. she stoically turned to face the crowd on her spinning stool and peered over her glasses from one child to the next -who were all actually behaving - and then her eyes rested on me with a glint of triumph. . . ."Have all of these children been vaccinated for the flu? There is a baby in the home now and. . . blah. . .blah. . blah. . .blah. . .blah" she wanted a tally mark on her side of the record sheet. I heard the boys groan and in that, she got her tally mark. we've never gotten the flu shot before. I've always thought it a waste of time - someone's always going to be sick anyway, why bother with the 2 hour process of getting everyone there! besides, isn't it good to get sick every once in awhile - you know, build up your immune system? sort of like eating dirt as a kid, having pets, living on a farm - get all the stuff everyone's allergic to into your system, fight it off and tada - your immune system is stronger and healthier for it - right?!?! I don't know, it's sort of nice to think that way anyhow. I kind of feel the same about the chicken pox vaccine - gone are the days of chicken pox parties. you know, when one child in the neighborhood got the chicken pox everyone on the block went over for a good couple of days to "play" so everyone got it and it was done and over.

Anyway, that day in the hot doc's office jacob, edward, and urbana ryan got misted - a terrible thing to happen so unexpectedly. sweet bana's eyes watered and she smiled reluctantly when asked if it "tickled" - of course it didn't tickle! it's a strange thing to spray something up your nose! so, on the drive home, jacob says "mama, I just read in this book (great one to have along that day!) that the same stuff they put into vaccines is found naturally in stilton cheese. so, instead of sticking people with needles and spraying stuff up their noses - why don't the doctors just give everyone a hunk of stilton cheese?"

sigh.

I don't know jacob, I don't know.

piccolino

2010-12-18T02:45:00.000+01:00

for those of you who have had a hankerin' for some nello amazing

delightfully blurry - mi dispiace.

do you hear what I hear?

2010-12-17T03:18:00.000+01:00

this week we had the great blessing of taking sousi and seve in to see a pediatrician whose field of expertise is in caring for adopted children! there were so many excellent things that came out of that visit, but for now I will share just one - mostly because we'd like you to be praying. we learned that our seve has some sort of hearing "issue". we're not sure what, but we will be scheduling an appointment with audiology in the near future and from there hope to get connected with a speech therapist for more specialized help with his language skills(wishing it were his aunt brittany helping!)

seve has had some delays from the beginning, but we have seen progress in his speech and a tremendous amount of progress in his comprehension and thus haven't been too concerned about anything, but are relieved to pin-point a possible hindrance and have the resources now available to help him clear this hurdle. welcome back to america is what our pediatrician said - welcome back indeed. thank you for praying with us.

the agony of submission . . .

2010-12-17T00:04:00.001+01:00

I don't like to be told what to do - especially by my children. there are days where they command and boss and demand and insist and are just plain rude and insubordinate. I don't like those days.
For perspective - I am a *recovering* strong-willed child . . . .on my good days. I like peace and order and cleanliness, I like obedience in it's fastest and gentlest way, I like a home of eagerness and restfulness, I like a home full of strong work horses that enjoy their sack of oats AFTER they've plowed their fields. But that's what I like, maybe not always what the children like. . . .nor Joel. . . . or let's be honest - nor may it be what God likes. sigh.
jacob has a lot of these same characteristics as well. strong willed and great conviction about rules and what's right and what's wrong. he also has a heart like a great gentle lion. (and sometimes the roar to match it!)
sousi is also cut from the same cloth, but she's still learning (adjusting, adapting, healing, something) that toning down that strooong will lends itself to working better with others (translate that as - playing well with others).
there was some dust flying a bit here between the girls a little while ago due to some overbearing regulations on blocks. I decided to try to tackle the issue as gently as possible. divide, conquer, reintroduce. bana had some nello amazing time while sousi worked on her pattern blocks (divide)- a fabulous puzzle set that's proven to help her follow directions a bit and help her also with methods of problem solving as well as giving her a gentle dose of humility to tone her down quickly. she's currently working on a puzzle pattern that's easy for bana and challenging for her - she wasn't "delighted" to be tackling this . . .but as she did I saw her quieting her heart a bit and focusing and humbling herself (conquer). the puzzle mastered - it was time to get the girls back together for some more play time (reintroduce). I picked out one of the best games in the house - Rivers, Roads, and Rails. If you don't own this - buy it. It's the best - it's "A unique matching game for all ages". Actually, it's more than that. the players have to very specifically match their cards to the already existing pattern of cards laid out by other players in order to keep roads, rails, and rivers going or end them or start new ones. It was the perfect transition game today. So, I pulled out the cards, explained the game, walked the girls through a few turns, ensured that they could plod along together without me and then I sat here next to them to watch and type. What I saw was simple step by step following the patterns process by both girls for a few moments and then sousi started scattering her cards, digging through them insisting on finding ANY card that will work. She simply had to take a card with only a road portion on it to continue the game. . . . she wouldn't do that. there HAD to be a different card with a whole lot more flair in another pile that would fit her mood and whimsy and yet still fit the pattern. there wasn't. the game began to drag on and on as urbana waited and waited each time it was sousi's turn. finally the cards intersected and with urbana exasperated and spent she was ready to be done. sousi then shuffled the cards all up and found her "favorite" piece and said let's play again and we'll start with THIS one. urbana said,"no I'd rather not - I want to be done." So sousi pulled up her trousers, sat down with a thump and look of stubbornness and began to play her own game with her own rules and her own assortment of patterns - for about five minutes. urbana had moved on to legos. there sousi sat - done feeling slighted and left out and ready to take command of the legos. trying her best to figure out how to do that without picking up her mess and without getting "caught" trying to be bossy and overbearing. she finally made pleas to urbana to help her pick up the RRR game whining about urbana helping to make the mess. sigh. with words of encouragement from mama, sousi grumbled as she picked up the game herself and then dive bombed for the legos on a mission. she was intercepted - let's look at a book. drats.
so it goes - the agony of submission. submitting to authority - whether it be a person (mama) the rules of a game, or simply submitting to the rules of common courtesy - it's excruciating agony around here some days. sousi's learning as she challenges and manipulates and rebels in her heart - she's learning that authority is not from me. authority comes from God and she's learning that when she steps back a bit and allows others their freedoms and their rights and their own ideas and their own fun, that people like her more and want to be around her more. the other children quickly tired of her controlling nature and have made it clear that when she kicks into gear that she's not fun to be around and they chose to not be around her. that's starting to get hard for her - that's her favorite coping/survival technique and now it's sort of back firing on her - she has always used it to fight to be the center of attention and the universe, now it's not working and she's finding that she's left alone and mad and without anyone to control. . . except herself, and how does that work!?!? she doesn't like to be kind and gentle because sometimes that means she's not in charge and it scares her, but she's learning bit by bit that the attention and love and kindness she receives in return feel good and safe. she's learning, but it's agony for her. so I divided, conquered, reintroduced and the mess was made again. some are won, some are lost, but the battles continue and we're trying our best to tip toe through them and win as many as possible.
well, I just observed the shift stick get moved into high gear and the engine is really roaring. . . better re-divide before things get ugly fast. cheerio!

always

2010-12-10T05:27:00.000+01:00

when God called us to adopt our children from Haiti He also called us to adopt a heart of prayer and faithfulness to the country itself - the people, the government, the land, the economy, the missionaries. it's hard to explain in words. plain and simple, there is a longing for Haiti. a longing for grace and prosperity a longing for stability and endurance, a longing for hope and a longing for God's peace and blessings. . . . a steadfast longing that is forever tugging, yanking, grasping and wrestling within me.
thus, I pray.
sousi . . . seve . . . .ayiti . . . .adopted.
always.

so much for italian immune systems!

2010-12-10T05:07:00.000+01:00

we have been passing around various different *colds* the past two weeks - each victim insisting on different symptoms. one has a high fever, another has a clear runny nose, another has green muck stuffing their head, a 4 hour earache, minimal vomiting (induced by coughing at bedtime), and crying, whining, and drama galore.
ugh.
those first 2 years in Napoli we were ALWAYS sick - the last year and a half. . . well, not so much. we had finally conquered the italian germs. our immune systems were warriors, never to be defeated again. or so we thought.
welcome wet, damp, dreary pacific northwest germs -how thoughtful of you to welcome us back to the good 'ole USofA!
as of tonight here's the run down:

jacob -fine
edward - fine
sousi - cough, hoarse
urbana - hoarse, rosy cheeks, crying, crying, crying (nothing hurts . . .yet)
seve - clear runny nose
nello amazing - rsv (on a nebulizer) ear infection (on meds)
papa - tired
mama - never allowed to get or be sick. thus ignoring sore throat and feverishness tonight (and laundry!)

pass the cough drops and tissues please!